The Relationship Between Anger And Attachment

The Relationship Between Anger And Attachment (cont.)

 Indebted To -: gopal@mfgglobal.org
From his mail to global malayalees.

Attachment is a negative attraction that we succumb to, inside our consciousness, regularly and it gives rise to ego, which in turn is the root cause of all suffering. Suffering, in turn, is experienced at an emotional level through the various different forms of anger. We need to realize this phenomenon very deeply because this happens many a times in each day of our lives inside our consciousness. Then we can see exactly from where our anger arises and we can correct it.

 

So if we don’t want to suffer from anger, the solution is simple – we don’t get attached to anything or anyone, to any expectation, any particular desired result.

 

Sounds difficult at first, but the same solution can be put in a way that would seem easier to achieve, we don’t lose our spiritual identity or individuality in something we are not, in anything or anyone that is physical. That does not mean we shouldn’t possess any material objects and not experience joy by using them. It also does not mean we start remaining aloof from people that we love. Nor does it mean we don’t have goals and ambitions at the workplace etc. We do. But our relationship with them changes. Our relationship becomes one of detachment and not of attachment. And what is a relationship of detachment?

 

Detachment means that we possess all of them but we are no longer dependent on any of them, for our peace, contentment and happiness.We choose to be peaceful, content and joyful irrespective of whether they are there with us or not. So when cars get banged into (which can happen at times) and when people close to us are harmed or insulted or they leave or are separated from us due to any other reason (which is also bound to happen) or when jobs are lost (which is inevitable), we don’t react angrily and suffer as a result. We have realized everything in life comes and goes; everything is born and comes to an end. We also realize that every process taking place in life is unpredictable and not always controllable, and must end. Things do and will happen. We know this is a reality. Every time we get angry it means we are having an argument with this reality of life.

Different Thought Types

Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts not only harm you but have an impact on others also. These thoughts disturb your peace and weaken your inner strength. If these thoughts occur on a regular basis, they can cause health problems, both physical and mental. They can even become destructive.

Thought Power

Negative thoughts are based on the five vices primarily – lust, anger, greed, ego, attachment. They are chiefly caused by selfish and harmful reasons, without taking into account the values and inner qualities of the person e.g.

* I think they should pay me more without having to do any more work to earn it (greed).

Negative thoughts also arise from unsatisfied expectations, in disagreements, in laziness, revenge, racism, jealousy, criticism, hate and an excess of power.

* My boss never appreciates my work but he always values my colleagues more (jealousy).

Waste Thoughts

Waste thoughts are thoughts that are produced at untimely moments that fill us with worry and anxiety when they appear in our minds. They have no constructive use. Unnecessary and useless thoughts are quick and repetitive which lead you nowhere. Often they refer to things from the past:
* If this hadn’t happened …
* Why did she have to say that to me?

Too many thoughts are about things that we cannot change, or worries about the future:
* What will happen tomorrow?
* How will it happen?
* What will I do if I find myself on my own?
* If I had been there at the time, this disaster would not have happened.
* If I had had this information at the time, I would have won the case.
* When I get the degree, I will be more respected by my superiors.


Your ability to concentrate is weakened by these useless thoughts. If you have a lot of these thoughts you use more energy and time to undertake each task. The origins of negativity also reside in them.

From the time that the past has already passed and the future is yet to come, these kinds of thoughts are not useful and they also weaken your inner strength and exhaust you. It is vital that we learn to avoid this pattern of thinking. In this way you will be more focused and your decision making capacity will improve.

Different Thought Types

By understanding each one of the thoughts that the mind creates we can keep the beneficial thoughts and discard those which are useless or harmful. Today we explain:

Necessary Thoughts

Necessary thoughts are those relating to your daily routine, such as,

* What am I going to have for dinner?
* What time am I picking up the children from school?
* What is the number of my bank account?
* What have I got to do today …. etc.?

They are also thoughts connected with your profession or job. These necessary thoughts related to your daily life come into your mind according to your responsibilities and needs at a more physical, material and professional level. When these thoughts are repeated over and over again, they become unnecessary or waste thoughts.

Aristotle Quote

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” – Aristotle

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Self Empowerment

We do realize inside ourselves that if we expect anything of anyone, one day we will be let down, so we create the emotion of disappointment, turn that into anger, and turn that back into fear (that it may happen again). And it’s all going on in our own minds. The only cure for this cycle of negative thinking is not to expect anything of anyone. But then you say, “how is this possible, you have to have expectations that someone will call you up when you expect him/her to do so, someone will do the job that you have given him/her correctly, that your child will come home safe and sound…don’t you?” Well do you? Expectations are not compulsory. And once we see that they lead to pain maybe we can learn to live without them. But if you cannot be expectation free instantly, a cure for that is as follows – have expectations, but don’t get attached to your expectations. Another way of saying this is don’t let your happiness be dependent on having your expectations met. No one said this was easy, but it is possible. There will always be someone who does not do the given task, or arrive at the right time, or even simply call you as you expected.

Exercise: Who are the two people in your life today from whom you have high expectations? Do you think it is healthy to have these expectations? What will you feel if your expectations are not met? What could you do to make sure that you do not go into disappointment but stay positive when someone does not fulfill their commitments, which are/were your expectations?

Please note that EVERYBODY has importance in life and EVERYBODY is important and has potential. So please do not compare with others and have CONFIDENCE in YOU. Who is the Boss in your life? It is YOU and ONLY YOU!